A less popular Jewish doctrine, I suppose...

We sang a traditional Jewish song in church this morning -- "MY Jesus, MY Savior...Lord, there is none like you..."  --Ann

I.R. GENIUS

I was reading something about what it takes to be a gifted child.  One of them was a good memory....

...and I can't remember the rest of them.

--Ann

...him that pisseth against the wall (2 Kings 9:8 KJV -- it's in the Bible!)

We (Doug, Holly and kids) were having a picnic at Ann's neighborhood playground with some of our best friends, David and Tara, and their kids.  David happens to be the associate pastor of our church.

Ann came over to visit with us.  The kids were playing while we sat at a picnic table eating.  A neighborhood dog came over to check the kids out, and went over to a bush to lift his leg and do his business. 

Ann said, "The dog went over there to pee."  Then she gasped, covered her mouth with her hand and mumbled to David, "Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said 'pee' in front of you -- you're a preacher."

To which David replied, "[hysterical laughter] Puh-lease let me use that in a sermon!"

Lit up on Christmas

The family was gathered at Ann's on the day after Christmas for the annual Christmas "linner" (because we eat between lunch and dinner time) and the opening of gifts.

At one point, Doug was opening a gift from Ann, and read aloud to us the tag on the gift:  "to Doug from Mom, with love."  To which Ann responded, "I'm sorry...not all of the gifts are 'with love.'"

After all of the aforementioned activities were completed, we sat in the den to play a friendly game of Guesstures.  I desperately wish we had video of Ann when it was her turn to "guessture," but there was not a working camera to be found.  Let's just say that her depiction of an "elephant" had us all guessing "scuba diver." 

Enough said?

So the guys were flipping all of the lights on for this game of Guesstures, and one of the bulbs didn't light up.

Ann:  What's wrong with that light?

Everyone:  The bulb must be burnt.

Ann:  That can't be.  It's been fine for a long time.

What not to wear

Holly and Ann are attending a Thursday night Bible study together.  Ann meets Holly in her driveway and gets in the car wearing the following:

blouse - green, black and brown stripes

slacks - grey, black and red plaid

shoes - bone colored slip-ons

Ann:  I'm so sorry I'm dressed like this.  I really wanted to go home and change before going to the Bible study, but didn't have time.  Are you embarrased to be seen with me like this?

Holly:  No, it's fine.  Where are you coming from?

Ann:  From work.

Holly:  So....you went to work dressed like that???

Damsel in distress

Ann, Doug and a very-pregnant Holly were swimming at the pool by Ann's house.  Doug was actually sitting in the lounge chair while Ann and Holly were in the pool.  We could hear the traffic go by on the other side of the brick fence which enclosed the pool.

Ann (to Holly):  "Wow, those cars are really close to us.  What if one of those cars crashed through that brick wall and drove into the pool.  Who do you think Doug would save first, you or me?"

Doug and Holly look at each other in disbelief.

Ann:  "Well, he'd probably save you...because you're pregnant."

Square peg, round hole

We were sitting in church listening to the pastor talk about the upcoming men's retreat, which would include a camp-out, four-wheeler obstacle course and the like.  They would also be giving away a 12 gauge shotgun.

Ann:  "Oh, wow, I'd really like to have that [gun]..."

Holly looks at Ann, clueless as to why she would like to have a 12 gauge shotgun and unsure as to whether she understands that she would have to attend a men's retreat to win it.
Holly:  "They're talking about a men's retreat."

Ann:  [shaking her head "yes"] "I know, I know.  I wouldn't fit in."